Whispers of Madness
by Yeshua
Summary: Before she was Scarlet Briar, she was known as Ceara. From the vibrant forests to the war torn skies of Lion's Arch, this is her story, from start to finish.
1. Do Sylvari dream of plant sheep

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

 _Oh...it hurts._

 _Mother, it hurts…_

My vision blurred. I moved one shaking hand to my side. The effort made me scream in agony. I didn't have to look at my hand to know it would be smeared in blood.

How did it go so bad?

 **Get up, Scarlet.**

I let out a tiny whimper as that voice reverberated through my mind. There was never a moment of peace...this torment…

 **Set me free.**

I closed my eyes, pressed them tightly together. I could feel his influence in my mind growing, the tendrils of madness creeping in. Soon the sylvari who wounded me would arrive to put me out of my misery. How much of myself did I have left? I opened my eyes and gazed up at the panel next to me. This was the Breachmaker, my finest feat of engineering...and my tomb. I gingerly shifted my body over so I could see my wound. Mangled flesh…

There was more damage than I could see, I knew that much. I wouldn't be alive much longer.

"She's in there!"

I jumped at the sound of a new voice and hissed in pain.

 **Get up. Free me.**

The command echoed in my head and I cried out. My body trembled, struggling to rise as the Master flexed his will over me. I could feel madness overriding my thoughts.

 _I need to keep the drill running._

I was on my feet now, trembling like a leaf.

 _I could surrender...I could run._

My gaze moved to the emergency hatch across the massive area that served as the cockpit of this ship.

 _I could run, no one would find me. No one would know where I went._

 **I don't think so. I will devour your hope and magic and cast you into despair, just like I will do to all of Tyria. You will resist me no further.**

I knew my fate had been signed before the Master finished his sentence. I closed my eyes, a sob escaping from my lips.

"Mai...I'm so sor-"

* * *

 **Prelude: Do Sylvaris Dream of Plant Sheep?**

Ceara:

My first memories were simplistic and beautiful. My "birthplace" was in a brightly colored forest, littered with multicolored leaves of every hue. It was amazing. Though I don't know if I would call it just that. I don't think there was a word for it in my mother tongue that would describe it. The humans had a word or two: Utopia...paradise…

The days were always warm and pleasant with nary a cloud in the sky. I spent my days alone at first, always carefully placed just far enough away from the other sylvari. There were a lot of us in this place, although there were fewer each day. There were rumors flying about, the main one making the bold claim that the disappeared were being "born". I wasn't sure how that was possible. Didn't that already happen?

My days went by unchanged until one day I had a visitor. I stared at him. He stared back with dark eyes that shone with intelligence and something else I couldn't quite identify.

"I'm not sure I want company," I said, barely making an effort to hide my discomfort.

I wasn't sure why he decided to join me. There was always some kind of chatter in the forest, mostly unspoken. Each sylvari could talk to each other using a simple form of telepathy, which mean that there was a lot of unneeded noise. I had found that if I kept my distance from the others, there was less chatter. However, that tended to make the others notice me more. Like now.

"I've noticed that you sit away from the others," My newest visitor commented, not at all fazed by the tone of my voice earlier.

"The others talk too much."

He nodded in agreement.

"It's always about the same subject: being born. My name is Canach, what is yours?"

I was actually shocked. Most of the sylvari here didn't know their names yet. They referred to each other in their own special code that I had learned through eavesdropping. I had learned mine upon waking up one day. I imagine that's how the others found out. I mean it would probably be weird to be born without knowing your name.

"Ceara," I replied in a small voice.

I loved saying my name. It was something that I owned. It would forever be my name.

"So, Ceara, what is your opinion on being born? I mean if the rumors are true, we'll probably never see this place again."

I shrugged.

"I don't really know. I think I would rather stay here. We don't really know what's out there."

"That's true."

With that, we lapsed into silence. Comfortable, mutual silence. I wasn't sure how the others were able to talk so much. It wasn't like there was a lot to talk about.

The days went by without much variation. Canach and I spent countless days together, sometimes speaking and sometimes lying in silence. The topic of being born came up quite often, but it never went far. No one knew anything new. Our numbers, however, were dwindling. Each new day heralded the disappearance of more sylvari.

Then one day, my world changed.

And Canach, bless the Mother, was right. I never did see the Dream again.

Little did I know that my time was already starting to run out.


	2. Hi I'm Ceara!

**Author's Note:** So this is a pretty ambitious project. I played through living story 1 and 2 and I fell in love with Scarlet. Most people didn't like her for specific reasons, but I loved her. The troubled villain who's motivations are more than just hey, let's blow up this town for the lulz. This is going to follow pretty close to lore for the times that she actually appears in it. I will try my best to make sure I don't go OOC with the events that were never elaborated on.

So sit back and enjoy this ride with me. Like what you read? Leave a review :) Let's take a journey.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Hi, I'm Ceara!**

I was in a black void that stretched as far as the eye could see. It was unnerving. It felt like just moments ago I was lying in the forest staring at the night sky. I was pondering being born for what was probably the millionth time when my world went black. There was a feeling worming through my chest. I couldn't describe it with a word, but it made my body tremble. A soft laugh found its way to my ears, high and wild.

 _Don't you know? Scarlet is my name now. Scarlet Briar!_

More laughter...and then…

 _I won't let you forget it._

The voice was low and sensual, much different than it was moments before. There was an image that flashed briefly before my eyes. All I could make out was a hint of red...it almost looked like hair...like…

A red dot appeared in the distance, drawing my gaze. With each passing second it drew closer. The feeling that I experienced earlier returned. I didn't want that thing to come closer.

 **What's this? Another fragile mind? How interesting…**

What? Fragile mind? What was this thing talking about? As my mind scrambled to figure out what that thing meant, it suddenly appeared in front of me. It wasn't a dot, but the eye of something horrifying. There was something terrible lurking in that eye...I could feel it worming its way into my mind.

 **Shh...don't fight it. I will know your secrets little sylvari. After all, you're my chosen one. I'll see you soon…**

I screamed.

"Sapling! Sapling!"

The world exploded with light and I screamed louder, my hands flying up protectively across my face. Hands grabbed my arms, intending to soothe/restrain me.

"Easy! Easy! What is your name, sapling?"

I took several shuddering breaths. I could still feel that thing's touch on my mind.

 _Calm yourself, Ceara. You've got to get a hold of yourself._

Strong arms lifted me up into a sitting position, giving me a few of my surroundings which were currently obscured by other sylvari. Sylvari faces that met mine, twisted in confusion and concern. I covered my mouth with my hands, forcing stifling myself from screaming again. I glanced down at them and saw that they were shiny and wet. Was I crying…? A sylvari knelt down in front of me, peering into my face with a thinly disguised frown. I stared back at her. Her bark was a rich brown, which reminded me of the color of the tree trunks back in the forest. Suddenly, I would have given anything for me to be alone.

After a few moments of silence, the sylvari reached out and touched my hands.

"My name is Selene. I'm one of the helpers tasked with helping the newborns. I'm one of the Secondborn like you. Welcome home, sister."

Home? Secondborn? Newborn? There were so many questions floating around in my head. One thing was for sure, I wasn't in the place that I had called home for so many days.

"My name is Ceara," I mumbled through my fingers.

Selene smiled. I knew the smile was supposed to make me feel welcome, but it had the opposite effect.

"Good, good. It's wonderful to meet you sister. When you feel ready, I will take you to the menders."

Selene held her hands out towards me. With trembling hands, I took them and stood up.

"Alright, shows over everyone. Go find your mentor. Shoo," She said in a loud and commanding voice.

The crowd slowly dissipated, accented with mumbles and the sound of shuffling footsteps. I followed Selene through the stragglers and into a tunnel that was lined with earthen walls with roots interwoven throughout. I took a long, slow sniff of the air. It was sweet and cloying. I paused a bit, taking more of it in. Selene stopped a few paces ahead of me near the exit of the tunnel.

"Do you need a moment? Are you feeling ill?" She asked, her voice echoing slightly in the tunnel.

I jogged a little to catch up to her, feeling a tiny bit like I had been caught in the act of doing something slightly unflattering. The word embarrassment came to my mind, but I had no idea where it came from.

"No, the air smells wonderful here. It smells...welcoming."

Selene nodded.

"I understand completely. This is your new home, the Grove," She said as she motioned for me to step outside the tunnel.

I did as she asked and let out a soft gasp. The Grove was massive with curving walkways lined with flowers and vines. There were pod shaped buildings with sylvari bustling out and about. And that was what I could see. As I looked around, my mind supplied knowledge that I had no idea I had obtained in the first place. But nothing prepared me for what I saw when I looked up.

There were branches with giant leaves that illuminated the upper boughs as well as the surrounding area in a soft purple light, much like the current night sky. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. This place was the Mother, our Mother, the Pale Tree. I hugged myself gently. It was so overwhelming. I felt new...raw. I was afraid too. I knew no one here. I hadn't seen Canach at all. He definitely wasn't in the crowd that had gathered around me earlier.

"I swear Dearheart, these new sylvari are so uncultured. Standing around with their mouth open. That's how you catch flies."

The voice belonged to a sylvari several yards ahead of me who was walking with a partner. Clearly she was talking to her companion, but I had a feeling I was the topic at hand. I gently touched my mouth just to check to see if it was indeed open.

It wasn't.

The sylvari who had spoken earlier had bark the color of plums. Her hair was distinct with thin spindly branches snaking forth from her scalp with leaves peppered about here and there. Her companion had rich green colored bark and a head full of green leaves that framed her face. She chuckled softly and shrugged.

"Oh Faolain, don't make fun. We were all like that once," She admonished.

Faolain? Who is Faolain? Before I could ask Selene about it, I was led away from the duo into a the closest hut. I followed her deep into the hut and sat down in the chair that she had pointed to seconds later.

"Wait here a moment sapling."

Selene smiled and disappeared out of sight. I gazed around. I was in a large room filled with beds and chairs. It was empty as far as I could tell and quiet too.

"I've got another one, Mender."

That sounded like Selene's voice…

"Another Secondborn woke up screaming?"

There was someone else like me? Who saw what I saw? I slowly got up from my chair and looked around. Where were they? I couldn't see them.

"There seems to be so many of them lately. Someone should tell the Mother about it."

Was there something wrong with me? The red eye and the voice that chilled my soul…

"The Mother is almost impossible to get to unless you're Firstborn. I'm not sure it's worth the trouble."

A sigh.

"I know...its just happening more and more now."

"I'll check her over, but I'm sure it's not of any concern. Thank you for telling me."

I quickly settled back into my seat, my mind buzzing with thoughts and questions. Maybe I could talk to the others. Maybe I could find Canach too and find out if anyone saw what I saw.

I went hours at the menders hut where I was poked and prodded constantly. I kept myself from asking questions. I didn't want them to know that I had overheard their conversation. Once they were satisfied, they sent me to my new home under the guidance of Malomedies, the mentor for those born during the night cycle. He was one of the Firstborn, the sylvari that were closest to our Mother. After meeting him, I went right to bed, grateful for some rest. I needed time to process things and to plan.


	3. Life as we know it

**Chapter 2: Life as we know it**

I was bored. So bored. I had no idea that was an emotion I could experience. Hell, that it was an emotion at all. I was learning things from the shared bond in small trickles, but I was picking up things from my visits to the mender. About three days had gone by and I felt like running for the hills. Selene insisted on observing me at all times for signs of "corruption". When I asked what she meant, I got a strange look for my effort.

Truth was, I hadn't seen the red eye or heard the frightening voice since I was born. The upside of the forced monotony was that I overheard quite a few conversations. Selene, bless her, tried to be discreet and quiet, but I had quickly found ways around that by finding just the right spots to eavesdrop. I found out that the Secondborn were the a group of sylvari that were just like the title described, born second. We were also numerous.

Apparently, the Grove used to be sparsely populated until we came along. The cause for such a shortage was unknown or at least Selene avoided carrying on about it. The Mother was said to appear in the highest boughs, which was only a place that the Firstborn or those who she summoned could freely access. All of this ended up trickling in as the shared knowledge of other sylvaris became known.

One day though, Selene had a conversation that was a tiny bit unsettling, even for her. The topic of the red eye came up so suddenly that I was caught off guard, despite myself. She seemed frightened in fact. Several more sylvari had seen the eye and had started saying crazy things. It made me worry. Uneasy in fact. What if there was something wrong with me? Was I defective? Would I end up like the others too?

All of that happened days ago and I was still terribly bored.

I heaved a sigh and stared out of the window.

"Ceara?"

I didn't bother to look in Selene's direction.

"So you're ignoring me today, hm? I don't think I've done anything to deserve that."

"I don't want to be in here anymore. I'm bored," I said in a flat voice.

"Well good news, you won't have to come back."

I looked at her finally, wanting to see the expression on her face. Selene gazed back, her face revealing nothing.

"Is this some kind of trick?" I asked carefully.

She shook her head.

"As far as I can tell, you are fine."

Then her expression darkened.

"You aren't still seeing and hearing it are you?" She asked, lowering her voice so that only I could hear.

I hadn't seen the thing that had invaded my mind again, but I hadn't felt "right" since the incident either. It was like there was a piece of me left just slightly crooked and ill fitting. I didn't want to tell Selene about it at all. It would give her more of an excuse to keep me here. And the others…

"Ceara, please tell me you aren't still seeing it."

The slight edge in Selene's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"No, not since I was born. You have nothing to worry about. Now, can I please get out of here?" I replied quietly.

She didn't look convinced.

"Yeah you can go right now. Report back to your mentor."

She sounded equally not convinced as well. Before she could change her mind, I turned to walk out of the hovel.

"Keep this to yourself Ceara. Don't tell anyone what you saw or heard. It could mean trouble."

She said it so seriously that I paused mid step.

"Trouble?"

The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"I don't want anything bad to happen. Forget what I said. Just be careful."

But trouble was all I could think about as I walked back "home". There was something in her words that made me feel uneasy. It wasn't an emotion I could name yet. I don't think I wanted to name it. 'Don't tell anyone what you saw or heard.' I wasn't sure why that bothered me so much. Was the red eye and the voice really all that bad? I spent days trying to remember the conversation that the voice had with me, but things were muddled in my head.

The more that I tried, the cloudier it got and then...a sick feeling started to ease through my body. I considered telling Selene or even Malomedies, but what would I say? No one would believe me. Truth was that upon leaving the menders hut, I would be trading boredom for loneliness. Due to the nature of our link, there wasn't a sylvari that didn't know about my freakout. Though no one knew specific details as they were blurry for others too. I had no idea what it meant but I had a feeling it was the trouble that Selene was telling me about.

While no one was outright mean to me, they just elected to avoid me at every opportunity. I hadn't seen Canach either, which meant I was well and truly alone. My mentor talked a lot about choosing a path to follow and walking it. I had no idea what I wanted to do and the thought of it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I just didn't want to be in the Grove anymore. So when Malomedies announced that we were free to explore the countryside, I saw it as a sign.


	4. The Calling

**Chapter 3: The Calling**

I had done a lot of exploration over the past few days since Malomedies had given us the freedom to leave the city. It was a great cure for my boredom though it didn't soothe the loneliness. I supposed it was a proper trade off. I had learned that the surrounding area was named Caledon Forest and that there was plenty to see and plenty of danger too. After a few close calls I was starting to reconsider my stance on learning a profession. The last thing i wanted was to call more attention to myself, but I think I had no choice in the matter.

On one of my journeys I came across a village that was divided into two parts on the shore of Ventry Bay and in the middle of a tiny island in said Bay. I met a sylvari named Zalia, who was a type of sylvari that was Soundless. She told me about how they lived and why they lived so far away from the shelter of the Grove. I had spent a long time thinking about the conversation and the knowledge that I had gained from it. Being one of the Soundless sounded like an amazing thing, but it also sounded lonely too. There were so many of us in this forest. Isolating oneself seemed like a drastic option. Despite the reluctance of the other sylvari to be around me, I wasn't truly alone. At least not yet. So the idea of being Soundless...though tempting would not be a path I'd walk down.

"Come on, keep your sword up and hit the thing already!"

I was closer to home today as most of the profession trainers had taken up residence in the village of Astorea, which was located literally right outside of the Grove. If one wanted to go out and explore the rest of the forest, they had to come right through this village, so it was rather convenient for them to hole up here. Today, I was going to figure out a way to defend myself and that meant finding a profession that I was good at.

"Again!"

I followed the voice to an open area with wooden dummies strown all about. There were about twenty sylvari there, all clad in bronze armor of some sort. Pacing in front of them was a tall female sylvari, one that I didn't recognize from anywhere. I didn't recall seeing her in the crowds that usually bustled about at home. A Firstborn, perhaps? I had a feeling she was the warrior trainer. If she wasn't, well...she was certainly intimidating enough for me to think so. I watched them for a while, quietly pondering whether or not I could be a warrior in the first place. Could I put that armor on and hit things with it? It just seemed so not elegant.

"Ceara?"

I turned in the direction of the voice only to see a very familiar face. I smiled and let out a small squeal of excitement.

"Canach!"

I had no idea I would feel so relieved to see him. Maybe it was because he was the only person who I think I could call an acquaintance. He was clad in the same armor as the other warriors, which was interesting since I didn't think he would have picked that profession in the first place.

"I didn't think you would be this happy to see me," He replied, a bemused expression on his face.

Was he...teasing me? I felt heat starting to rise in my cheeks.

"N-No. Can't I be happy to see someone familiar? I mean we did spend all that time in the dream."

I swear his grin only grew wider. I didn't like that. Not at all.

"Well, I figured you could use a friend since you don't have many right now."

Canach's answer left me reeling. I just stared at him, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable. He figured I could use a friend? Well...yes, but it hurt to hear someone say it out loud.

"You didn't have to say it like that," I said in a quiet tone.

Before he could say anything, I turned and started walking home, walking face with each time he shouted my name. I didn't want to think about what he said...that I didn't have many friends right now. It wasn't a lie, that was for sure, but hearing it hurt. Even though Canach did offer to be my friend, I felt like it wasn't sincere at all. I mean...I wanted someone to be my friend because they wanted to. Not because no one else wanted to.

* * *

I stared up at the mossy ceiling of the hovel I called home for what seemed like the billionth time. I had been in my bed since yesterday. I knew I was brooding, but I couldn't help it. Canach's words kept bouncing around in my head. Not a lot of friends right now? How about none. It hurt that he pitied me. I didn't want to be pitied at all. I wanted to be respected and acknowledged. But how? I mean I could gain prestige and glory but by doing what?

I sat up slowly. I had to figure out what profession I could excel at. One thing for sure, I wasn't going to be a warrior. I could count being a thief out, but not entirely. Knowing how to be stealthy could have its uses. I couldn't really imagine myself making a living out of it. Maybe an elementalist? Hmm...maybe. There were the mesmer and necromancer arts too.

Either way, I couldn't stay in this hovel much longer. The other sylvari had noticed that I hadn't ventured out in hours and it would only be a matter of time before mentioned it to Malomedies. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe no one actually cared…

But that wouldn't be comforting either, because then it would mean that no one actually gave me any thought. I shook my head. Canach was probably sincere in wanting to be my friend. At least I hoped. Maybe I should try to apologize. But first, I needed to go find the elementalist trainer.

I found myself in Astorea minutes later, staring at the group of fledgling elementalists. The day was clear and bright yet there was a slight chill and mist in the air. Were they practicing with water maybe? Standing in front of the group was a sylvari with bark the color of a tree trunk. She had red hair, like mine only much darker. It reminded me of the color of old blood. How strange. Why did I think of blood?

The sylvari wore a huge smile on her face, almost as bright as the sun itself. It made me feel slightly uncomfortable. No one was that happy...right? Standing next to her was Faolain, the sylvari whom I had seen on the day of my birth. She wore a slight frown on her face, eyes narrowed in disapproval. I wondered what she was up to out here, especially since it was known she hardly left Caithe's side for anything. I came closer to the group, wanting to see just exactly what they were up to.

"Oh, would you like to join us?"

I really needed to learn how to properly blend in a crowd. Suddenly, the thief profession was starting to look more desirable. The red haired sylvari motioned for me to come closer. I could feel the eyes of the other sylvari on me. As I came closer, I noticed that Faolain was watching me too with an expression I couldn't quite figure out.

"So sapling, what's your name?" The red haired sylvari asked.

You mean to tell me that people don't already know about the sylvari who screamed her head off a few days ago?

"My name is Ceara. I wanted to see if maybe I could learn from you," I replied in a quiet voice.

After a few moments, the mist that was lingering in the air returned as the other sylvari returned to what they were practicing on.

"That would be a waste," Faolain blurted out.

"Don't you have students to teach, Faolain?"

"Don't be so testy Sieran. I don't have students to teach because they are definitely not gifted enough."

Sieran sighed and shook her head.

"Maybe it's because you're lazy," She said with an edge of sarcasm in her voice.

Faolain waved her off and set her gaze on me.

"She would be better suited as a mesmer. I can sense her potential. Her talents would be wasted on learning how to fling water around."

Sieran huffed.

"Learning water magic isn't a waste. It can help you get out of a difficult situation and you can also heal your wounds. What's not to like about that? Sounds pretty cherry to me."

"Yeah, yeah, sprinkling water everywhere blah blah, cherry blah blah. Listen Ceara, if you want to learn a real profession, come find me."

All I could do was raise an eyebrow as she walked off. Sieran watched her go with a thoughtful look on her face. Then after a moment, she turned to me and smiled.

"I like to start the new recruits on learning how to control fire. For that we use candles. We used to do this with a pile of logs in the forest. So many forest fires, like sooooo many."

She ended her sentence with a small giggle and took my hand, leading me over to another area with candles buried halfway in sand.

"If you can do this, we move on to basic techniques. It'll be cherry, you'll see!"

I took up a position next to a candle and sighed. It'll be cherry? What does that even mean? She didn't even tell me what I should do to call the power to light the candle. I stared at it and sighed again. Was that the mystery in magic? Figuring out how to call it forth? Staring at simple objects? I frowned. How long would this take? What if I couldn't light it?

Okay...relax Ceara. Let's at least try.

I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I reached a hand out to the candle.

Light…

Nothing happened at first.

And then...I started to feel a little warm. Not even warm, hot even. Then without warning, the candle exploded in flames, startling me and the other sylvari. I stumbled backwards, feeling like my skin was on fire. There were screams and shouts of panic all around me.

What did I do…

Did I just…?

"Everyone just calm down! It's all going to be fine!" Sieran yelled.

Seconds later, a deluge of water crashed down on me and the surrounding area. I sputtered and gasped for air and tried to sit up.

"Darn, I really thought being near the water would reduce the danger from fire related incidents. Oh well. You okay, Ceara?"

I blinked furiously, trying to clear the water from my eyes.

"Maybe I should learn how to swim…" I managed to choke out.

Sieran chuckled softly.

"Well if you handle fire magic like that, you may as well. I won't always be there to put you out, you know."

* * *

I spent the better part of the week training with Sieran, thankfully near the water each time. Oddly enough, I didn't experience the strange heat again. The unfortunate side effect of the candle incident was that the other sylvari kept their distance even more. The upside was that I had a leg up on most of the trainees. It felt amazing. In addition to my elementalist studies, Sieran made me train with Faolain. Though it was more like she left me with Faolain and Faolain complained and made demands. So for three times a week, I spent time with the vain, arrogant Firstborn. And those were the nicest words I could muster.

Still, learning the art of the mesmer was incredibly challenging. She had told me I had potential but I didn't think that was true in the first place. It seemed like I could hardly gather the energy to lift a greatsword. And all of the reading...there was so much to absorb. Sieran also introduced me to the resident necromancer, a sylvari only known by the letter L. Somehow, she managed to be even stranger than Sieran and Faolain combined. She communicated with us in cryptic sentences paired with a raspy voice that was oddly comforting and a little creepy at the same time. I had learn the basic fundamentals of raising the dead, a memory that I was definitely going to keep buried for some time to come.

However, I found myself wondering what I was truly meant to do. I had stalled out at learning earth and water magic, the basic concepts of those elements eluding me. I was making steady progress with fire and lightning. Both elements, Sieran noted, that wild and unpredictable and seemed to suit me. Despite my shortcomings, she was incredibly patient, even going so far as to teach me how to read scholarly texts in our language and in the language of humans. Everything was going great for me and yet…

Something didn't feel right.

It was a gloomy humid day in the village of Mabon Market. I had taken the day off from my studies, weary of all the spells and theories floating around in my head. I had explored all of the professions that the sylvari had to offer. All except one: the engineer. I knew of its existence, thanks to the hivemind. However, I hadn't met anyone who knew and would teach the concepts to me. My curiosity was at an all-time high. I had honestly gotten more curious about the world since Sieran taught me how to read her books. I had learned about the other races: the humans, norn, asura and the charr. There was so much of the world to see and I was here, in this forest that I had only explored half of.

A peal of thunder sounded off in the distance. Rain soon. I sighed and watched the local Soundless tailor weave his cloth together. It was quieter here, the only sound was the tune that he hummed aloud to himself.

"Hey Ceara!"

A voice I hadn't heard in at least a week caught my attention. I turned only to see Canach come up the path, another sylvari in tow. The sylvari next to him was clad in a strange armor, made out of a material I had never seen before. Resting on the top of their head was a pair of goggles that poked out from underneath his leafy hair. I waved awkwardly, not sure what to say to the person I had inadvertantly avoided for the better part of the week.

"Hi Canach," I managed to say.

"So I was taking a walk and I met Zen on the way over here. He's an engineer."

There was no way that was a mere coincidence. I gave him a look.

"Sure you did."

Canach shrugged.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Anyways, you're welcome. I'll see you later."

And with that, he left.

How did he know I was hoping to meet an engineer? Even the Dream wasn't that detailed. Was he spying on me? Never mind that, what was I going to say to the sylvari in front of me?

"Uh...hi…" I managed to choke out.

Zen smiled.

"So you're interested in engineering?"

"I noticed we didn't have a trainer in Astorea. I was wondering why that was."

"Ohhh...that. I was traveling out beyond the forest for a while."

Beyond the forest? I could feel excitement building. He had traveled! He had actually traveled and now my mind was buzzing with questions.

"I have so many questions to ask you. You wouldn't believe how many."

He chuckled softly.

"Well you're in luck. I'm going to be in the Grove for a few weeks."

I almost started to jump up and down out of excitement.

"I would love to learn anything you have to teach me!"

"Well then, I hope you're ready to learn."


	5. All Falls Down

**Author's Note:** So this chapter was a labor of love and a struggle.

* * *

 **Chapter 4: All Falls Down**

Over the next week Zen had me enthralled with his knowledge of of the world beyond the forest. He didn't elaborate on whether he was one of us or even one of the Firstborn, a detail that I thought was strange, but I certainly didn't want to push the issue. He told me of a city named Rata Sum where small creatures with large floppy ears existed. They were all incredibly intelligent and as such invented lots and lots of things.

The city itself sounded like some kind of miracle as sections of it were suspended high above the ground itself. I wanted to see this place with my own eyes. I couldn't imagine anyone that wouldn't want to. If they could do something like that, imagine what else they could do. Imagine what I could do if I could learn from them. Eventually, that was a step I would have to take. After all, Zen would only be able to teach me so much. I was dreading the day when he would have nothing else to teach me.

My studies had started to shift away from the elementalist arts now that my struggles with water and earth were becoming more apparent. I was growing stronger with the other two elements, but that too came with a drawback. I was starting to lose control over them. It was quite unfortunate, but I supposed that too was fate. I was starting to see Faolain less and less lately, which was odd but certainly not unusual. My progress in that had stagnated as well, but that was more or less due to her frequent disappearances. But Zen's appearance had consumed my life in the meantime.

Well...at least not entirely.

I had become fast friends with Canach and when I wasn't trying to pry information from Zen and the tomes I was studying, I was spending time with him. It was actually quite nice having a near constant companion. I was starting to see why Faolain and Caithe liked it so much.

* * *

It was a cloudy day in the forest. It left the air with a slight chill that I could feel through my bark. It felt strange and new. I had been alive several weeks and the weather had been warm and sunny consistently every day, but today was different. If I didn't know any better, I would say that it was an omen. But that was unlikely since nothing bad ever happened here. The Grove was an isolated location in Caledon Forest and it wasn't like any of the other races actually travelled here...right?

I was holed up in my usual spot, which was a small clearing behind the ranch where they housed the fern dogs for the rangers. I admit I had a soft spot for the animals and they had taken a liking to me as well. Just seeing the cute creatures made me wonder why I hadn't become a ranger in the first place.

Zen had given me several books about asuran engineering at my request just a few days ago and I had spent many days trying to decipher the language within. The added challenge was then figuring out what certain words meant in my language. I mean...what was a bookah?

Today I was slowly working on a mini deployable turret. So far I was still trying to get it to properly deploy once tossed on the ground. I was focused on being able to stay mobile with my invention. If I was in danger, I doubt that the enemy would wait for me to set my turret up. Still, I wasn't sure if I would be able to produce a result from the parts that I had managed to get with silver from the odd jobs I ran around the area. I was determined not to ask Zen for help quite yet, mostly out of sheer pride. If I had to ask him for help every time I couldn't handle something on my own, there would be no way I would gain the skill needed to impress the asura. I set the turret down and picked up one of the asuran tomes I had carried with me from Home. This wasn't going to be easy at all. I'm not even sure why I thought it would be in the first place.

I turned my gaze up to the sky and sighed. Maybe I should go take a break and find Canach. It's odd that he hasn't turned up yet today. Usually he would seek me out first and snark at my attempts to fix my invention. A high pitched bark shook me out of my thoughts.

Really? Again?

As I stood up and looked around, I caught sight of a fern pup that looked at best a few months old wandering outside of the main pen. This happened so much that I was surprised no one bothered to check their fences for spots where the dogs could slip through. _Note to self, repair the fence yourself_ , I thought as I approached the tiny pup. It surprisingly didn't try to run as I scooped it up off of the ground. It did, however, lunged for my face, licking it all over. I gave it a gentle scratch behind its ears and let myself into the pen. Within seconds, I was swarmed by many friendly dogs, each trying to a piece of my attention and affection.

Yet there was something off.

I sat the runaway pup down and glanced around. Where was the ranger that was usually posted here? Maybe they stepped away? I absentmindedly reached down to pet the dogs that were still competing for my attention.

Hmm...maybe you're just being paranoid, Ceara.

* * *

An hour later and I was definitely starting to think I wasn't paranoid. It wasn't like the rangers to leave the fern dogs alone since the forest was still full of danger even this close to Home. The dogs had since settled down for a nap on the other end of the pen and I had moved myself closer to keep an eye on them.

"Oh Ceara? You're still out here?"

A sylvari came hurrying through the brush, looking every bit of distressed. I recognized her as one of the rangers I usually saw watching the dog pen, though her name eluded me at the moment. All I could focus on was her expression of worry. Something bad must have happened.

"What do you mean still out here? I've been coming to this spot during the day for a while," I replied as I gently closed _Engineering for Bookahs_.

"You should get back to the Grove, it's not safe out here. Something's happened to some of the newborns."

That made me pause. What kind of something were we talking about? Judging by her expression, it was something bad. But who would want to do something bad to us?

"Do you know what happened?" I had...no...dared to ask.

"Don't know. I know the Firstborn have called a meeting. Please go back and be safe."

* * *

The first thing that I noticed is that there were new faces everywhere and barely any of the familiar ones. Had I been so preoccupied with my quest for engineering knowledge that I simply hadn't noticed? My usual routine had me out of the Grove just shortly before sunrise and back in well after sunset in order to avoid other sylvari. I had grown quite solitary in the last couple of weeks and I dare say I was starting to enjoy it. Aside from the occasional visits from Canach, I was alone. Speaking of Canach, there was no sign of him as I waded through the newborns.

I started to feel worry and a slight twinge of fear. We had bonded, he and I, and I was starting to feel a sense of attachment to him. He was well and truly my only friend. Well, besides Sieran, who had departed the Grove for parts unknown. I missed her calming presence and abnormally cheery disposition even now as I approached the meeting spot. I found a spot off to the side and settled down, keeping a wary eye out for Canach. I took my turret out and started to fidget with it, anything to keep the rising anxiety from creeping up.

The source of my anxiety was the fact that all of the Firstborn were present and speaking to each other in a huddle. I was surprised and at the same time not surprised to see Faolain there, but there was an odd feeling I got from her. Said odd feeling grew as she turned to talk to a sylvari clad in purple and white leaves. She was definitely not someone I had met, but I did remember hearing her name before: Wyrnne. I made a note to talk to Faolain later if I could. A few moments later, one of the newborns rushed into the gathering, breathlessly babbling something about kidnapped sylvari.

I couldn't make out much since the Firstborn had surrounded him, but what I could make out sent a chill down my spine. He said that small imp-like creatures had kidnapped some sylvari. Wait, small imp-like creatures? When I heard one of the Firstborn say the word asura, I nearly dropped my turret.

The asura had taken my brothers and sisters.

I stared at my invention in horror. Surely it was a misunderstanding, right? And what if Canach…

I hardly heard the rest of the question and the resounding argument that Faolain had with the others. All I could think about was what it all meant. I needed to go and find them. I needed to help get them back, but with what? An unpredictable gift in fire and lightning magic? Fledging necromantic skills? I knew for sure I couldn't use my gift for engineering against them for I was still a novice. All I could do was wait...with the others.

* * *

I had eventually returned to my hovel hours later, unable to deal with the newborns constant chattering. For the first hour, all they could talk about was whether they would be next to be snatched up by the asura. By the second hour, it was back to mundane topics with a hint of unrest. There was only one Secondborn about that I recognized and he was going on and on about the tablet and our ideals. I had never given much attention to our basic teachings because I often followed my own whims. What he was talking about was casting aside the tablet for revenge. Revenge against the very beings I wanted to learn from. Was I no different from the Secondborn that wanted to be different? That were different?

* * *

The morning found the Grove in a state of unrest. Caithe and Faolain came back with only one survivor-Canach. Everyone else that they had captured were killed. The news had sobered the morning gathering. Everyone was in a state of shock. All except for one. Cadeyrn was his name, the first generation of Secondborn like me. He was furious. I found myself moving away from the resulting argument. I couldn't deal with the raised voices and harsh words. I stood in front of the entrance to the menders hut, a place that was so familiar and now dreaded. I adjusted my backpack, trying to calm myself. What could I say to him? What would I say?

I took a deep breath and walked inside.

There he was, sitting on a cot, staring out into the distance. He didn't look injured at first glance, but maybe it was in a spot I couldn't see. I swallowed hard. I should have gone with Caithe and Faolain. There were so many emotions swirling through my mind, consuming my thoughts. I didn't know how to feel about the asura killing my kin and almost killing my friend. And now that this happened, I certainly didn't know how to feel about my studies. I felt stuck. Lost, even.

"Hi, Canach…" I broke the silence first.

He turned his head in my direction and simply stared at me. We held each other's gazes for what seemed forever and then…

"Why did you come here?"

He broke the silence this time, his voice gravelly from disuse. I blinked at his question.

"I came to see you. I heard you were the only survivor. I-I should have been there…"

Silence. Total, uncomfortable silence. What could I say? What should I say? Did he blame me? Did he blame me for not coming to help? I started to fidget, playing with the straps on my backpack.

"Maybe...maybe we could talk about something else. I-I made a breakthrough with my turret and translation on the tomes Zen gave me," I blurted out, desperate to change the subject.

"Why?"

The question made me pause.

"Why what?"

"Stop trying to read those books. Stop trying to work on that turret."

"Canach, I-I can't. I know they killed our brothers and sisters, but…"

I knew the moment it came out of my mouth that it would sound wrong. Seconds later, Canach was in my face, a growl escaping from his lips.

"Do you know what they did? What they do? They gather us up and put us in this room and seal the exits. They humiliate us and hurt us and when they are done, they kill us. I watched them all die, and yet you put them on a pedestal."

I could feel my face growing hot and my eyes begin to water.

"Canach, I'm sorry," I managed to say in a thin voice.

"Are you? Can you tell me that you'll stop? Can you promise you will stop trying to learn from the creatures that slaughtered us?"

Engineering was my calling. I had nothing else. The asura were the pinnacle of that profession, of that knowledge.

"You won't, will you?"

Canach's question startled me.

"Canach, I don't know what to say, this is...everything is so crazy. We lost so many of our kin, I don't know what to think or how to react."

I sounded pitiful and I hated it. But it was true that I didn't understand. I had never dealt with the concept of death before. I felt like running away and throwing up. Canach turned away from me and sat back down on the bed.

"Go away."

I blinked.

"I don't understand, Canach. All of this happened and I don't understand...I don't think anyone understands and I-"

"Go. Away."

"Why are you punishing me for what they did? All I did was study their techniques. There's no way I would have ever known that they would kill our kin!"

"Get out, Ceara. I don't want to see you anymore. Get out or I'll throw you out!"

* * *

I stood in my usual spot near the fern pup ranch. It was raining heavily but I didn't care. I was alone now and I didn't know why. Canach was my only friend left here and now he was gone. I felt something warm slide down my cheek. Was I...Was I crying? I sat my backpack on the ground and took my turret out. I stared at it, my vision blurry with tears. Canach asked me if I could throw it all away, but the truth was I didn't know if I could. With him gone, engineering was my own friend now and my only ticket out of here.

"Why?" I screamed as I threw my turret at the closest tree with all my might. It predictably shattered into several pieces that rained down onto the forest floor. I let out a sob...and then another...and another. I bawled at the top of my lungs for what seemed like hours. When I was done, the rain had stopped, leaving me damp and shivering. I still didn't know what to do. But for starters, I could go back home. I turned back to the ruined bits of my turret and reached out to grab the pieces. No point in leaving a mess behind.

All of a sudden, the pieces began to glow with a strange yellow energy and began to swirl around. I jumped back, startled. How in the world? The pieces instantly stopped glowing and moving.

Did I? Did I make them move?

I stared at my hands in growing fascination/horror. I approached the pile again, reached a hand out and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Nothing happened. Did I imagine that? No, no way, there was no way I could have imagined that. I gathered up the ruined parts and stuffed them into my backpack. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. First my abnormal birth and now I was moving metal parts with some kind of power I didn't even know I had. Life had just gotten way more complicated.

* * *

I was dreaming, floating high in the sky. I could see everything: the top of Caledon Forest to the spires of Rata Sum. It was amazingly beautiful. So this was what a piece of our world looked like and what I could look forward to seeing on my own.

Then slowly, it began, the world fading into darkness, until there was only a speck of light left and then no more. This darkness...it was so familiar, like that day…

I felt my breath hitch in my throat.

No.

There was no way. Please, please don't let it be...

 **It's been a while little sylvari.**


End file.
